As a kid, I watched a lot of cartoons. In all honesty, I still enjoy them as an adult. The cartoons I watch now have more mature content, but still provide fun and silly entertainment. What was lost on me as a child, are the life lessons cartoons can actually teach us if we look closely. Recently I was talking to a friend who was dealing with some relationship conflict. She was feeling anxious and distressed about situations she didn’t have a say in and couldn’t control. She was at a loss and was looking for an example to help her see things differently. In response, I suggested she think of the cartoon character the Roadrunner. If you are not familiar with the escapades of “Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner” or if you vaguely remember it, please indulge me and watch an episode or two. It won’t take long to get the gist. So in this post I thought I would share the wisdom of the Roadrunner and how it illustrates practicing mindfulness along with how to manage challenging interactions and feelings.
For those of you less familiar with this cartoon, the Coyote’s sole mission in life is to capture and ultimately harm the Roadrunner. It starts off as a natural hunting interaction—the Coyote is hungry and the Roadrunner seems like a reasonable target. However, the Coyote quickly learns that the Roadrunner is a much more challenging opponent than he realized. He is not successful in his attempt to capture him which frustrates him to no end. Rather than looking for an easier target, he becomes obsessed with the Roadrunner. In each episode he is constantly scheming, plotting, and trying to figure out how to catch the lovable bird. He simply can’t cut his losses and move on. What we soon realize is the Coyote is really tormented. He engages in the same pattern over and over again even though it isn’t productive. His schemes backfire and only harm him, never getting him what he wants. He ends up getting increasingly frustrated, angry, and filled with vengeance. Not to mention he is recuperating from multiple injuries at any given time.
The Roadrunner, on the other hand, never seems upset or bothered by the Coyote’s escapades. He is engaged in the present and focused on where he is going. He is running along at a fast clip not paying any attention to what the Coyote is doing. Every now and then he has a confrontation with the Coyote and genuinely seems puzzled by the hardship the Coyote has inflicted upon himself. He voices his signature “Meep, Meep!” and continues on his way. He doesn’t get bogged down by the Coyote’s ill intentions, however he could easily do so. It would be easy for the Roadrunner to become distressed, anxious, and avoid the Coyote at all costs since the Coyote is the predator and he is the prey. However, the wise cartoon character doesn’t waste his energy trying to make sense of why the Coyote behaves the way he does or let the Coyote’s behavior consume him. He simply lives his life and goes about his business with a smile.
When it comes to life, it can be so challenging to be the Roadrunner and so easy to be the Coyote. However, being the Coyote does not serve us well. How many times have you ruminated about situations you had no control over? Perhaps you replayed challenging interactions in your head trying to make sense of them or imagined scenarios and conversations that will never come to be? Have you tried to imagine what someone is thinking or trying to figure out their motivations or intentions to make sense of an action that hurt you? Was any of this ever helpful? Most likely no. Like the Coyote we torture ourselves when we feel emotional distress. Rather than focus on areas of our life that keep us in the present or are productive, we dig ourselves deeper into areas that create anxiety, pain, and distress all the while thinking it will get us what we want. Maybe we seek understanding for something that doesn’t necessarily have a clear answer. Perhaps we seek vindication, justice, or even vengeance in situations where we feel we have been hurt or wronged in some way. These thoughts can take center stage in our life and in doing so we end up torturing ourselves more than anyone else ever could.
Imagine what it would be like to be the Roadrunner instead. What would it be like spending our mental energy focusing on positive or neutral areas of life rather than the challenging situations we can’t change? Imagine focusing on the present moment rather than replaying the past or speculating about the future.
TIPS for enhancing our inner Roadrunner:
Recognize your default pattern. Take a moment to examine how you engage with conflict with others. How are you like the Coyote and the Roadrunner? You may have a little bit of both. How do these patterns serve you? Are they helpful or harmful? Are there things you would like to change? If so, what?
Focus on changing things internally rather than externally. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking “If things were different then I would be happy (or feel better)”. When we are having a conflict with someone it’s easy to think “If they would just change (or apologize, or realize they were wrong, etc) we could get along”. We hold ourselves hostage by situational factors and usually we have no say over whether or not these things will come to pass. What happens if the situation never changes? Can you imagine if the Roadrunner said “I can’t be okay until the Coyote is nice to me.” That wouldn’t work so well. The roadrunner has to learn how to be okay in either condition rather than allowing the Coyote’s actions to dictate his emotional state. Focus on steps you can take to reconcile challenging emotions. Perhaps you might benefit from shifting boundaries from others. Perhaps utilizing mindful practice or other coping skills might be helpful. Think about what you can do in order to create balance and a calm mind.
Shift the default pattern. Sometimes our brain gravitates toward the negative. It can be easy to recognize and focus on areas of life that feel unsettled or create discomfort. This can result in us ignoring the areas in life that are going well. If you notice your attention gravitates toward the things in life that are challenging, focus on changing patterns and creating balance. Look for the good as well. Highlight it and savor it. We can experience positive and negative simultaneously. However we sometimes believe we can only experience positive emotions if we rid ourselves of negative emotions.
Recognize anger hurts us more than others. One lesson we can learn from the Coyote is that his anger hurts him more than the Roadrunner (literally). Every time he tries to inflict pain on the Roadrunner, he ends up harming himself and the Roadrunner goes unscathed. The same is true for us emotionally. When we are filled with anger and rage we are the ones who have to carry it, not the person we feel anger toward. Anger has a way of hiding the other emotions we experience such as hurt, disappointment, sorrow, and grief. It’s important we allow ourselves to notice and process those emotions as well.
We will all face challenging interactions and conflict. We will experience pain and hurt, however these situations don’t have to consume us. We can process the emotions and continue to engage in our lives fully. Once we stop chasing external solutions to problems we can be free from struggle. When we start to feel stuck in these patterns or consumed by conflict we can simply ask ourselves “what would the Roadrunner do?” and respond with a “Meep, Meep” and keep moving forward.
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This is brilliant. I don't say that lightly, but the way you convey this, and it's in such an accessible format to digest and apply. The article actually does support mental health, not just says it does like some 'listicle' type articles I have read in the past. Genuinely, thank you for this.
Keep! Meep!