Change is a part of life. Everyone has successfully made a change, worked toward accomplishing a goal, or adopted new habits at some point in their life. Most people can also remember times they attempted to make a change or set a goal that never came to fruition. So why is successful change possible sometimes and others elusive? What are the key elements to successful behavior change?
There are two foundations of behavior change which are key: motivation to change and confidence to implement it. The outcome depends on how much you want to change and your belief in your ability to carry out the change and overcome challenges that arise. There are four possible scenarios when it comes to how we feel about any behavioral change:
1. Low motivation + low confidence
2. Low motivation + high confidence
3. High motivation + low confidence
4. High motivation + high confidence
Let’s look at an example. Kate is asked by a friend to run a marathon.
This is a challenging goal and would require some changes in her lifestyle and daily routine. Below are 4 possible ways Kate may respond to her friend that reflect the motivation and confidence scenarios:
Response 1: I don’t love running and am terrible at long distances. I run a mile every now and then, but I couldn’t run a marathon no matter how hard I tried. Even though I should support my friend there is no chance of this happening (low motivation + low confidence).
Response 2: I have no interest in running a marathon right now, even though I am a consistent runner. That distance doesn’t appeal to me even though I know I’m capable of doing it (low motivation + high confidence).
Response 3: I really want to run a marathon, but work is busy so I may not have time to train. I also hurt my knee a few weeks ago and don’t know if I can manage that distance right now (high motivation + low confidence).
Response 4: Running a marathon is a life goal and it’s something I have always wanted to do. It will be hard, but I have been training consistently and have done several half marathons successfully. I have been running longer distances recently and time set aside to train in my schedule. I see no obstacles that can’t be overcome (high motivation + high confidence).
Clearly in response 4, Kate is most likely to agree to participate in a marathon and has the most potential to see it through. She is highly motivated and believes she can accomplish this goal since she has gradually been working toward it over time and built up her confidence.
The other 3 responses demonstrated barriers that prevent Kate from agreeing to run a marathon:
· In Response 1, Kate dismissed the idea of running a marathon almost immediately. She doesn’t have any interest in running a marathon and is quick to tell you why she wouldn’t be able to do even if she tried.
· Response 2 is slightly different since Kate has confidence in her ability to complete the marathon, but unfortunately has no current motivation. We have all been there at one time or another. We know we can do something, but don’t want to. If motivation is absent it doesn’t matter how confident or capable Kate is, it isn’t likely she will choose to run a marathon. It doesn’t mean she won’t be motivated in the future however.
· In response 3, Kate is motivated, but she has low confidence in her ability to be successful. She has barriers to running the marathon, and doesn’t see a clear way to overcome them. Even though she wants to do it, she doesn’t see a path forward at this time.
If you look carefully in responses 1-3 you will notice that Kate is expressing ambivalence about change. Ambivalence simply means she feels two ways about running a marathon. This is a very common reaction to change and something we all experience at one time or another. Ambivalence is easy to spot if you know what to look for. It often includes words like “but”, “however”, or “should”. If you look back at the responses, I italicized the words that indicate ambivalence. You will notice there isn’t ambivalence in response number 4. When we think about successful behavior change the key is to resolve our ambivalence about change.
This week we will focus on ambivalence around motivation. If motivation is absent the change train isn’t leaving the station no matter how confident you are.
Tips to address ambivalence related to motivation:
1. Identify Ambivalence. When you think about making a decision, setting a goal, or changing a behavior do you feel two ways about it? Look for the key words. Do you feel yourself using the words “should”? If so, what would it be like to shift “should” to “want”? Often when we say we “should” do something it means there is something related to motivation holding us back. Instead of ignoring ambivalence, begin to understand it.
2. Explore Ambivalence. It’s natural to have ambivalence. It’s also important to address it in order to for change to occur. In terms of ambivalence related to motivation explore the pros and cons of making this change. It may be helpful to make a list of the benefits you see of making the change and what would make you “want” to do it rather than feeling like you “should” do it. It’s also important to look at reasons you don’t want to do it. Notice if the pros outweigh the cons. Be honest with yourself in determining if a specific change is something you want.
3. Strengthen Motivation. If you decide you want to move forward with the change continue to strengthen it. Think about why this change is important to you—what are the benefits and what do you stand to gain? What reasons do you have for making this change? What would need to happen to strengthen your motivation? Write them down and reflect on them when you need to. Some people find journaling helpful or posting a sticky note in a place where they can see it. Motivation can shift over time and this is normal! During a low moment it can be helpful to have a reminder of what originally inspired you to change a behavior.
Lasting change is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s important to pace yourself and look at small steps that can be maintained. Next week we will focus on building confidence to implement changes you want to make.
With gratitude-
Kimberly
Interested in additional exploring resources? Miller, W.R. & Rollnick, S. (2002). Motivational Interviewing: Preparing People for Change (second edition). Guilford Press.
You’ve articulated this process amazingly well. Thank you for the idea!