Changing “I can’t” to “I can”
Changing “I can’t” to “I can”
How breaking big goals into smaller steps can increase our ability to succeed
We have all been there---wanting to accomplish a goal or trying something new, but feeling like it is too difficult and we won’t be successful. Rather than setting ourselves up for defeat we cut our losses and throw in the towel. Perhaps this happens shortly after starting and realizing it is more challenging than expected, or we convince ourselves it isn’t worth trying in the first place. These situations happen across all areas of life—professional, intellectual, physical, relationships, psychological, etc. When we feel overwhelmed and feel the urge to give up, how can we make the challenge feel more manageable? This week I will talk about tips to change “I can’t” to “I can” in order to make goals more approachable.
Larger goals present challenges we must overcome. Sometimes these obstacles seem insurmountable for several reasons. They may be too intense, too long of a duration, involve too much sacrifice, or any combination of those things. We tend to look at the finish line or the final end point and it may seem too far away or that too many barriers are inbetween where we are and where we want to be. So it’s hard to imagine how we will get there. However, what might happen if the goal and your perspective shifted? Instead of focusing on the entire task at once, what if it was broken down into smaller, more manageable steps?
Real Life Example: Summitting my first 14er
Colorado is home to over 50 peaks that are over 14,000 feet known as the “14ers”. In 2014, after living in Colorado for 3 years, I felt it was officially time to summit one of them. My husband (Ryan) and brother (Kevin) also wanted to join in the adventure so we made a plan to tackle a relatively scenic and “easy” 14er: Handies Peak. I trained and hiked for months to prepare. I knew the route and we had a plan but then the weather shifted and decided to literally rain on our fun. Therefore, we adjusted our plan at the last minute to a different mountain that had a better weather window: Mt. Yale. Mt. Yale is way more challenging than Handies. It is almost double the mileage (9.5 miles round trip vs. 5.5 miles) and elevation gain (4300 ft vs. 2500 ft), and the route is more challenging with some boulder scrambling at the end. My confidence was wavering, but I agreed.
We decided to camp near the trailhead the night before our hike to get an early start. Unfortunately, I did not sleep at all that night and we neglected to bring any caffeine . This was not a good start. Nevertheless, we pressed on. The hiking began and I quickly noticed that it was relentlessly steep and the further we went, the thinner the air became. Our pace slowed and I realized this was going to be a very long day. When we finally emerged from the trees we caught our first glimpse of our goal—the summit of Mt. Yale. The sun had come up and was shining on the peak. While my husband and brother were taking in its beauty, I on the other hand, started cursing at it like a sailor. The only thing I saw was how far away and high it was. I had been hiking for approximately 2 hours and it was evident how much farther we had to go. I looked at my Ryan and Kevin and said “That’s the summit? There is no way, I mean NO WAY I am going to make it that far!” I was ready to turn back.
Thankfully my husband knows me well and recognized I was sleep deprived and in caffeine withdrawal. He immediately told me not to look at the peak. He said it looked farther than it was and reassured me I could do it. He said let’s continue for a bit and see if we can make it to the boulder scramble and then assess. We could take rests along the way. I reluctantly agreed. I had enough gas in the tank to continue, even if it wasn’t to the top.
We marched on at a slow pace, but I kept reminding myself I was making progress. During breaks I looked back down the trail and noticed how far I had come. This provided comfort and reassurance…If I had come this far, I could go a little farther. On we trudged and made it to the boulder scramble. At that point, the peak was much closer and seemed within reach. The slow pace of going over rocks was kinder to my cardiovascular system which made the effort more tolerable. At this point I seemed to turn a corner and could actually envision making it to the top. It was hard and punishing, but the end was in sight. After about 4.5 hours, we summited Mt. Yale. I was thrilled!
I have climbed several 14ers since and they have all been physically challenging, but easier mentally. After climbing Yale, I knew what to expect and how to pace myself psychologically. The same is true for any other large goal—perhaps the goal is losing weight, getting a degree or promotion, starting a business, parenting, etc. When the goal becomes overwhelming, focus making it more approachable to build confidence and momentum. Here is how…
Tips:
Break up large goals into smaller stages. Try to break the goal up into smaller steps. For instance, if you want to lose 25 pounds, focus on losing 5 pounds at a time. If you are gearing up for cancer treatment, focus on getting through one round of chemo at a time, etc. Accomplishing each stage helps build confidence and gives a sense of gaining momentum. When I am hiking or cycling and the route gets challenging, I focus on making it to nearby landmarks rather than the summit or finish line.
Shift perspective. Focus your attention directly in front of you rather than far ahead. This can be figurative or literal. When hiking or cycling I look at the road right in front of me. I focus on where I am rather than where I am going. Narrowing your focus can translate to a variety of situations. For instance, if you are dieting, it means focusing on what you are doing on the specific day to meet your goal. When going through a busy or stressful time at work focus on what you can accomplish in the next 2 hours rather than the next week. Be mindful of the progress you are making in the moment. Even if the steps are small, they are moving you forward.
Look behind you. If we are too busy looking ahead, we never appreciate how far we’ve come and what we’ve accomplished. Looking at past accomplishments reminds us that we can do difficult things and be successful. When we feel uncertain about our ability to reach a goal, think about all the goals you have accomplished in the past and the progress you have made so far. Positive progress is easy to forget when we feel distressed or discouraged.
Final thoughts
When our confidence feels shaky, it is easy to feel discouraged. However building on past success also builds our confidence. When I hiked 14ers after Mt. Yale I knew it would be difficult and challenging, and I also knew I could be successful since I had done it before. A dear friend agreed to climb her first 14er (Grays Peak) with me, and when we parked at the trailhead she asked me to point out our destination. I pointed to the peak in the far distance and she began laughing hysterically. I could tell at that moment she was seriously questioning her decision. I simply reassured her it looked much farther away than it actually was and we would get there one step at a time. We did exactly that.
