The current state of US economy is rough and many people are watching their savings and investments lose value. During times of financial turbulence we are reminded of the importance of diversifying our financial portfolio in order to weather the storms and minimize loss. It’s not wise to put all of our financial eggs in one basket so to speak, however do you practice the same principles when it comes to your social support system?
Emotional diversity is an important component of our well-being and social support system. What exactly is emotional diversity? For the purpose of this post, emotional diversity is defined as the people in your social support system. Who can you depend on or talk to when you face problems or challenges? Who can you celebrate your joys and accomplishments with?
Let’s take a moment to check in and take inventory. Who are the people in your life you count on and trust? You may have someone who you trust with everything in your life and others that you feel comfortable with sharing certain types of information. For example, if you are stressed about work or career issues, there may be a colleague that you talk to or go to for support or advice. This individual may have background and context to give you the support you need. If you are struggling with personal problems, perhaps you have a trusted friend, family member, spouse, or romantic partner that you go to for comfort. Perhaps you have a friend with whom you share the daily hassles of your life. If you are dealing with significant stressors or a mental health challenge, you may have a therapist or counselor you work with regularly. Keep in mind, this may not be a one-size fits all. There may be people we trust wholeheartedly and lean on for support with many if not all of our challenges and those we share struggles with more selectively. Who are the people in your life you count on?
What did you notice in terms of your emotional diversity? How balanced is your emotional portfolio? Do you have a mixture of people in your life who you can count on, or do you tend to seek support from only one or two individuals? Perhaps you noticed you don’t seek support from others at all when you face hardships. While there is no ideal number of people we need in our social support system for healthy emotional diversity, there are some signs that indicate it is beneficial to enhance our social support system. Specifically:
Are there areas or topics in your life you don’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone?
Do you feel you tend to lean heavily on only one or two individuals for support?
Do you notice you don’t seek social support or feel comfortable talking to anyone when you feel upset or distressed?
If you said yes to any of these things, it may be helpful to focus on expanding your emotional support system. It is common to develop patterns where we tend to lean heavily on a spouse or a close friend for support, especially as life becomes more demanding. It can become hard to find time to nurture and grow other relationships. However what might happen if due to some unforeseen circumstance that person was not able to support you in your time of need or you lost that person? Who would support you through that difficult time? The more diverse our emotional support system the more likely it is to meet our needs.
TIPS for increasing emotional diversity:
Show up for others. Building and maintaining strong and supportive relationships takes time and energy, and we have to put in the effort. Check in with those in your life that you care about. Share positive moments and also be there for friends and loved ones when they face a challenge. When you support others, they tend to reciprocate. However if they don’t and the relationship feels one-sided, that may indicate you may need to focus your energy elsewhere.
Build connection. It can be hard to make new friends, especially if we move to a new area. We also can find ourselves drifting from people we were close to in the past due to life demands. Focus on maintaining the important relationships in your life, as well as developing new ones. It doesn’t take much to stay connected to those you have built a strong foundation with in the past. Send a text, set up a call or time to video chat in order to stay current with what is going in your lives. Focus on building new relationships by finding others with whom you share common interests. A great way can be to join different types of recreational groups (e.g. running/cycling groups, etc.), and clubs (book club, cooking classes, etc.). You can also become more involved in organizations you care about by volunteering time (e.g., PTA, church, charitable organizations, animal rescue groups, etc.).
Join a support group. Are you struggling with something you don’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone in your social support system? Perhaps it’s because you feel they won’t understand or may not be able to provide the support you need. Joining a group can be helpful, and many offer specific support around topics such as alcohol/substance use (e.g., AA, Al-Anon), grief/loss, divorce, gender identity, and many others. They can provide a safe place, are usually free (or fairly inexpensive), and are typically offered in-person or online.
Seek professional help. There may be issues you are dealing with that you simply are not comfortable sharing with anyone in your life or may require professional support. Therapists and counselors are a wonderful resource who provide emotional support, confidentiality, and tools to enhance coping skills.
Building a diverse social support network takes time and effort, however it is a rewarding and worthwhile investment that can pay dividends. Who can you reach out to this week to show up and let them know you care?