I love shoes. Sadly, shoes don’t always love me. I have very “unforgiving feet” as I was told by my physical therapist. I have high arches, sensitive skin and the older I get, the less tolerant they are of uncomfortable shoes. The high heels and cute sandals I once loved now tormented me every time I wore them. You may wonder what shoes have to do with mental tune-ups. A lot. This post is really about letting go of things that don’t serve us in order to make space for the things that do.
While cleaning out my closet a few months ago, it was hard not to notice the number of shoes that I never wore. These shoes were lovely in every way. Some were sporty, some were dressy and others were just plain fun. Some of these shoes lived in my closet for several years and had only been worn a handful of times. The truth was, they hurt my feet. I had tried repeatedly to wear them thinking maybe they would feel more comfortable the third or fourth time around. I could just break them in or maybe I could wear them on occasions that didn’t require a lot of standing or walking. So I held on to each pair of uncomfortable shoes year after year. Letting them collect dust in my closet and take up space in the hope that one day they would magically be comfortable enough to tolerate. I didn’t spend much time thinking about the discomfort they caused each time I wore them or the consequences my feet and back might experience for days after wearing them. No—I only thought of how beautiful they were and how I couldn’t give up hope of my relationship with my shoes changing. Until one day last December when I accepted the fact that those damn shoes were always going to hurt my feet. They were not meant for me. I was no longer willing to sacrifice pain and discomfort for them. Holding out hope of things being different when I knew it wasn’t possible only tormented me. I had to let them go. So I did. And you know what? I bought new shoes. Shoes that were both cute and comfortable. Shoes that I love to look at and love to wear. I recognized I didn’t have to sacrifice comfort for being cute and vice versa. I could have both, I simply had to create the space for them.
As humans, it can be hard to let go of things. Even when we know things don’t serve us and cause us pain, they are familiar. It can be hard to let go of what is predictable and familiar, even if it is problematic. Change is full of the unknown and can feel scary. However, when we hold onto things that don’t serve us, it doesn’t allow space for the things that do. What would it be like to create that space? For instance, letting go of negative self talk allows us to have more self compassion. Letting go of a problematic relationship allows space for a meaningful and rewarding one. Giving up perfectionism allows us to try new things or enjoy experiences even if we aren’t good at them.
Examples of Things that Don’t Serve Us:
-Negative Self Talk
-Fear of Failure
-Perfectionism
-People Pleasing
-Numbing
-Anger
-Shame
-Unhealthy Relationships
-Unfulfilling Jobs
Exercise: Taking an Emotional Inventory
What are you holding onto in your life that no longer serves you? Maybe it served you for a period of time, or maybe it never did. How much space does it take up? How much energy do you put toward it?
Imagine letting it go. What emotions come up? It might bring up several responses-distress, relief, sadness, loss, lightness, and so on. Did anything surprise you?
Now imagine living your life holding onto what doesn’t serve you. Sometimes we hold onto things that don’t serve us because it’s hard to imagine them not being in our life. Perhaps you wonder if there is potential for this part of your life to serve you better. If so, put the work in and find out. Sometimes we avoid putting effort into changing something because we are afraid no matter what effort we put in things won’t change. It can be so easy for us to tune out, maintain the status quo, and hope for things to improve on their own which can be disappointing. What needs to happen in order to feel better about keeping ___________in your life? Is this feasible?
Finally, imagine your life after letting go of what doesn’t serve you. Sometimes we have to accept those uncomfortable shoes will always make our feet hurt. When we acknowledge this, we are faced with the decision of what to do next and it’s hard. Change is hard. It can be riddled with ambivalence and loss. However we also gain something. What space did letting go of what doesn’t serve you create? For example, letting go of people pleasing allows us to be more authentic. Letting go of shame allows us to be more vulnerable and accepting.
Taking an emotional inventory and assessing what is taking up unnecessary space in your life can be a useful exercise. Similar to the way we collect unnecessary items in our closets, we carry emotional baggage with us that gets in the way of living the life we want. When our closet becomes too cluttered we reach a tipping point and discard what isn’t needed. The same is true for us emotionally when our lives feel overwhelming. However taking a proactive approach can help us create the space and balance we need.
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Really enjoyed this. Sometimes it needs you to stop and think so that you can change things. This may well be just me but I try and do this in the summer break and new year and have a rinse of what’s not working anymore, apps, routines etc. Brilliant post thank you.
You're making me realise - I have that shoe collection lurking in my closet too 😆 I'm also recalling the period, almost 20 years ago, when I moved from the UK to New Zealand and I gave away about 90% of my belongings - it created such an amazing sense of space in my life and new things came rushing towards me, from relationships to job opportunities to free dining tables. They say the universe abhors a vacuum and will always bring something new to fill the space. This is a lovely reminder, thank you.