MTU Happiness Challenge: Gratitude
Appreciating what we have rather than longing for what we don't is a game changer
Gratitude journaling is all the rage these days. Whenever something becomes trendy, I question its credibility. However science shows a significant relationship between gratitude and positive affect and well-being. It may sound simple, but focusing your attention on what you appreciate and are thankful for increases happiness. Focusing on what we have vs. what we lack has a powerful impact on our overall well-being. While individuals who tend to be happy engage in this pattern, studies have also shown that if you intentionally practice gratitude you can increase your happiness!
Hypothetical Example: Kate and Cindy—an exercise in perspective.
It is important to note, it doesn’t matter if someone’s life is objectively more comfortable, it is the person’s perception that makes a difference. For instance:
Kate and Cindy lead similar lives, however their subjective assessment of their own happiness is very different. They are both 35, married their college boyfriends, are homeowners, and have 2 kids in elementary school. They work full time in the health care profession and have average household incomes. They both have to juggle the responsibilities of being a spouse, mom and a professional. Money can be tight at times and they are focusing on trying to save money to put their kids through college and minimize debt. They live on a budget and spend time together as a family doing activities that are close to home. Kate rates her happiness a 3/10 while Cindy rates her happiness 8/10. How does gratitude come into play?
While Kate and Cindy match up on all of life’s circumstances, they don’t view them the same way. Kate often feels frustrated living on a tight budget. She longs to travel and try out new activities with her husband and kids. She often feels stuck in the bureaucracy at work and overdue for a promotion. Kate feels her marriage is struggling since she and her husband spend a limited amount of time together due to the business of life. She loves her kids, but wishes she could spend more time with them.
Cindy on the other hand has a much different view. While living on a budget isn’t ideal, she is thankful they will be able to stay debt free and help their children through college. She looks forward to the time they spend together as a family. While they may not be going on a trip to Hawaii anytime soon, she feels their hikes, and bike rides and camping adventures have brought them closer together. She cherishes the moments she spends with her family. Work can be busy and frustrating at times, but she still loves what she does mainly because she feels connected to the patients and colleagues she works with every day. While she may not spend as much couple time with her husband as she would like, they make it a point to focus on quality over quantity and be very intentional about the time they do spend together. She focuses on staying connected to him during the small moments.
While life circumstances are the same, the subjective experience for Kate and Cindy is not. No one has a perfect life, however we all have high points and low points. The difference between Kate and Cindy is that Cindy utilizes gratitude more effectively. Simply put, gratitude is focusing on and appreciating the things we have or “counting our blessings” rather than longing for the things we want. It is a shift in attention or focus that can significantly improve well-being.
The research has shown that practicing gratitude can actually increase our levels of happiness. So how exactly do we actively increase our gratitude?
Tips to Practice
Daily journaling. One option is to write 3 things you are grateful for each day (perhaps before bed as you reflect on your day). The key is to do this consistently and long term. Over time your brain begins to notice the positive events in your day more than the negative ones. Further, reflecting on positive moments from your day allows your brain to relive them which strengthens their impact.
Share your gratitude with loved ones. If you don’t love journaling, there are other ways to focus on gratitude. One suggestion I often make is to share the three things you are grateful for with your family (or roommate, partner) during dinner. Make them part of the conversation and engage your family (gratitude can be contagious!). Want to do this solo? Speak your three gratitude moments outloud to yourself. Hearing the words rather than just thinking them matters.
Balance what you want with the things you are thankful you have. It’s very normal to have goals and want to work toward things. It only becomes problematic when the wants start to heavily outweigh appreciating what we have. When the wants take over, simply notice and gently remind yourself of the things you are grateful for.
Some people naturally notice things they are grateful for, while others benefit from practicing this skill. The important thing to remember is the more you practice, the easier it becomes to naturally notice gratitude in your daily life. Try this practice for 3-4 weeks (and beyond) and see what differences you notice in your overall happiness, outlook on life, and well-being.