Sometimes Things Will Feel Worse Before They Feel Better

Today I have an appointment to have a medical procedure done that I know will be painful. Before the holidays I was diagnosed with multiple injuries in my hip involving ligaments and tendons. The injuries have caused a lot of discomfort, limited my activity, and have worsened over time. I was relieved when the MRI results identified the source of the problem, however I am not looking forward to going through the treatment which will hopefully repair the problem. The plan is to inject plasma rich proteins (PRP) into the ligaments and tendons which will irritate the hell out of them. This process prompts inflammation and a healing response. I have been told it is “uncomfortable” and I have personally experienced this treatment to a lesser degree in the past. The word uncomfortable is an understatement. It actually hurts like hell, but it is the path to long term healing and health. Do I want to have this procedure knowing it will be painful? No. However, I’m going anyway because it’s the only way to repair the injury and be pain-free in the long term, which I want very badly.

Sometimes taking steps to address mental health and emotional pain can feel the same way. Talking about painful experiences can feel daunting and frightening. Emotions can be big and overwhelming, especially if they have been avoided for a while. It can feel safer or easier not to speak about them, almost as if speaking about them will give them more power. The truth is that talking about the hard things actually helps us overcome them. The opposite is true as well. When we avoid dealing with painful things, try to ignore them, or use unhealthy coping strategies (e.g., drinking, numbing) we may feel short term relief, however the problem will linger and most likely worsen.

We know that talking about shame, one of the most challenging negative emotional states we can experience, is the most effective way alleviate it. Is talking about shame easy? No. Is it uncomfortable and painful? Most likely. Yet it is what is necessary to experience long term relief. We have to go through a period of feeling worse, before we can feel better. The good news is that it is only temporary and relatively short lived. So how do we know when it might be a good idea to move forward with something we initially don’t want to do?

TIPS for dealing with emotional pain:

1. Focus on the problem, not the symptoms. Humans are good at finding clever ways to reduce symptoms. Avoidance is a popular strategy because it provides quick relief, but don’t be fooled. Avoidance based solutions are usually temporary, they may feel easier (e.g., ignoring, numbing), but they wear off and the problem is still there. Going back to my hip example, I have taken ibuprofen, had a cortisone shot, used massage therapy, rested, etc., All of these strategies provided temporary relief, but they did not fix the underlying problem.

2. Embrace discomfort. Discomfort behaves the same way as any other emotional state. It is temporary and does not last forever. When we recognize it is a temporary state it makes it more manageable. Further, when we see a path for temporary discomfort to bring lasting improvement it can reduce our aversion to it. Self talk is key. It is easy to fall into the trap of telling ourselves “I can’t do this” or “this is too much to handle”. This type of self talk feeds an avoidance pattern and leaves us feeling helpless. Instead, focus on acknowledging the presence of emotional pain, accepting the challenge, and encouraging self talk. For instance, “this is really painful and will be hard to get through, and you will get through it because you have done hard things before.”

   

3. Recognize any urge to withdraw. If you notice a tendency to withdraw from others or keep painful feelings hidden, this is a sign to do the opposite. These are avoidance strategies and they leave us feeling worse not better. This is a cue to reach out for social or professional support even if it feels uncomfortable to do so. Getting support is a key to dealing with the underlying problem.

Sometimes things have to get a little worse before they can get better, but the long term relief is worth it. This is true for both physical and emotional pain. It can be easy to focus on managing symptoms, but we must remember to focus on dealing with the root of the issue. Getting support helps us find the strength and courage to navigate these challenges.

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