The 24-Hour+ Rule

Giving yourself space to respond rather than react

We have all been there…a distressing email, text, or social media post comes through immediately sending your emotional and physiological state into overdrive. However responding in this state rarely ends well. Sure, it feels amazing in the moment to say/write exactly how you feel about the snarky text you received or the inappropriate post you read. The offender deserved it! However, after some time has passed and our emotional state returns to baseline, we may see things a bit differently. What feels good during a moment of heightened emotion isn’t usually the best solution to a problem or conflict. When we allow ourselves time to calm down before responding we are happier with the outcome in the long term versus seeking immediate gratification. Today I’m sharing the benefits of using the 24-hour+ rule to help us respond instead of react to challenging situations, requests, and with making difficult decisions.

My good friend and colleague, Rob, uses the 24-hour+ strategy and shared it with me many years ago. Since its inception, he has expanded the amount of time so it has evolved into the 48-hour rule. Waiting 24-48 hours before responding may seem like an eternity for some. It’s common to feel pressure to be constantly accessible to those around us and respond to questions, requests, and prompts immediately. However responding to something without having adequate time to think about it isn’t in our best interests. The key word here is think. The information we receive reaches the brain’s emotional centers before it reaches our higher level thought processing areas. This can lead to us “acting before thinking”. It’s important we allow the rational areas of our brain to process the information and engage in the response. While it doesn’t take several hours for the rational parts of the brain to kick in, it can take a while for our emotions to subside and to think through solutions and sit with them. The time we give ourselves allows us to respond rather than react.

This is why the 24-hour+ rule was created. It’s a gift we can give to ourselves to think about how we want to engage with a difficult issue, request, or make a tough decision. It also gives us the opportunity to take our decision or response for a test drive or get input from others we trust. If something isn’t time sensitive, give yourself the time you need, however some things need answers or responses sooner rather than later. Be aware if you feel yourself having “a knee-jerk reaction” to something or experiencing signs of rising emotional distress, it may be a strong indicator to engage the 24-hour rule or simply allow yourself a bit of time and space before responding.

TIPS for giving yourself space to respond instead of react:

• Draft a response, but don’t send it. If you feel a strong urge to respond to something in the moment, it’s okay to write it out. You don’t need to send it immediately though. Let it sit, sleep on it for a night or two, and come back to it. After you have created some emotional space, revisit your response. Are there parts of it you want to modify? Edit it accordingly and either send it or give it a little more time.

• Seek input from trusted sources. Allowing yourself time to respond can also give you an opportunity to talk through the pros and cons with someone who can offer objective feedback. This is key! When we seek support and council it’s most useful to talk to someone who can be supportive AND help you see pros and cons of a situation rather than simply fuel your emotionally charged state.

• Don’t allow others to put you on the spot. If you feel pressured to respond immediately but are not ready to do so, it is appropriate to give yourself time. Simply responding with “I need to give this some thought before I respond. I will get back to you with an answer”, acknowledges you received the request and are also being thoughtful. This response can be useful in both in-person and electronic interactions.

• Explore the possibility of not responding at all. Sometimes we don’t have to respond to certain situations. There are times when we don’t need to engage at all even though it’s tempting. This is particularly true of triggering social media posts or dysfunctional messages. Asking ourselves “Does this really deserve my attention/energy?” or “Will engaging in this situation be useful or simply make it worse?” may provide clarity. Simply ignoring inappropriate behavior rather than reinforce it with attention may be the best response.

  

• Try it on for size. This can be useful for making a decision that is difficult. Live with each side of the decision for several days and see how you feel. For example, if you are deciding whether or not to accept a job offer, live a few days as if you accepted it and then a few days as if you didn’t. What feels better? Giving yourself time to thoughtfully respond to a difficult choice can bring clarity when you feel ambivalent.

Responding and engaging with others during moments of heightened negative emotion doesn’t serve us well. Allowing the cognitive and emotional parts of our brains to work together results in a balanced resolution that is a more genuine and authentic reflection of who we are and how we feel about a situation.

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