Toolbox Tips: Quick Strategies for Reducing Emotional Distress
Keeping distress at BAY (Breathe-Accept-You)
Welcome to my new toolbox series! These periodic posts will focus on specific skills and be labeled as “Toolbox Tips” so they are easy to locate. Hopefully you will find they are a helpful resource you can refer back to when needed.
This week we are going to address quick tools to reduce high distress levels. We all have moments where we feel anxiety, distress, or overwhelmed by emotion. They may happen as a result of a triggering event or during an anxiety provoking event (e.g., public speaking). These are associated with strong and uncomfortable physiological sensations that can include feeling muscle tension, changes in breathing and heart rate, stomach discomfort, etc.
When our distress skyrockets it can feel difficult to function and we don’t make good decisions. Our emotional centers of the brain take over and reactions such as our “flight or fight” response takes over. During these moments we can utilize tools to de-escalate our emotional response in order to give the rational parts of our brain time to process and kick in. If you look at the chart above, the skills presented in this post are intended to bring distress down a few notches so it’s more manageable. For instance, if your distress is in the 70-100 range (unable to function) using these skills to lower it into the 40-60 range (distressed, but able to function) may be a reasonable goal.
There are a variety of skills and techniques to choose from, however the following are my favorites. I also use a fun little acronym to remember them in a pinch: BAY.
TIPS for “keeping our distress at BAY”: Breathe-Accept-You language.
Breathe. When we become distressed we often stop breathing or tend to hyperventilate. There are many different breathing approaches, however I find it easiest to simply focus on exhaling longer than the amount of time you inhale. For example, inhale for the count of 3 and exhale for the count of 4. As you start to feel yourself relaxing try to expand your breath. See if you can increase your inhales and more importantly your exhales. Perhaps you are able to inhale for a count of 5 and exhale for a count of 7 or 8. Notice how your body and mind calm as your breathing becomes slower and deeper. Sometimes you may even feel a sense of heaviness.
Acknowledge and Accept. It may sound simple but simply acknowledging and accepting your distressed emotional state is helpful. When we are highly distressed we can easily find ourselves wanting to push away or avoid the very intense and unpleasant feelings we are experiencing (aka the flight or fight response). However trying to push away or avoid those feelings actually can intensify them. The unpleasantness anxiety and distress create is temporary. Naturally we will calm down and our distress will lessen with time. Acknowledging and accepting the situation actually allows us to engage with it more productively.
You Language. As we work through acceptance and experiencing distress, being mindful of our internal dialogue (or what we say to ourselves) is key. In a previous post, I discussed how calling ourselves by name and using “you” instead of “I” language allows our brain to engage the rational centers and calm down emotions. Gently telling yourself “you” are okay, the distress will pass, and “you” will get through it can be helpful.
Example:
John was driving to work and the car behind him rear ended him at a stop light. No one was seriously injured, however he immediately felt his stress level escalate. His thoughts started spinning and he could feel his anxiety increase at lightening speed. He noticed his anger and frustration increasing and he began worrying about how he would get to work if his car had to be repaired. He could feel his heart racing and he began to feel sweaty and clammy.
John knew he needed to calm down. He remembered B-A-Y. He began to focus on slowing his breathing down. He began counting and focusing on making his exhale longer. Within a short time, John began to feel the physiological symptoms of his anxiety calm down. Next he found himself processing what happened. He specifically acknowledged what happened and accepted his feelings using you language and said to himself: “John, you were in an accident. You are okay. This is stressful, however you are not injured and the car can be fixed or replaced. Sometimes unfortunate things happen and feeling anxiety, fear and frustration is normal even though it is unpleasant. You have overcome challenges in the past and you will get through this one too.”
Pro Tip:
Practicing the BAY technique when you are not in a moment of distress is recommended. Building up the skills in advance makes them easier to implement when you need them the most.