What an Oxygen Mask can Teach us About Self-Care

What an Oxygen Mask can Teach us About Self-Care

When we think about overall well-being one of the foundations is caring for ourselves. Self-care seems like a reasonable concept, but in reality, it often can be challenging.  We sometimes hear phrases like “take care of yourself”, “give yourself some downtime”, and “relax”, but how do we actually find the time when all areas of life seem to constantly demand our attention?  We may find that we prioritize the needs of others over our own personal needs.  It seems like there is always something we could be doing for our family, jobs, friends, home, pets, etc., and the to do lists seems to get longer rather than shorter even when we do our best to accomplish each task. Why is it that self-care seems to be the first thing to fall off the list and all of our other needs take priority?

I occasionally hear from my clients, colleagues, and friends that prioritizing self-care can feel indulgent or selfish and it can evoke feelings of guilt.  We want to do a good job and make others happy, especially those we love.  These are positive goals and an essential part of belonging to a community.  However, when we start to notice that we are paying a heavy price to give to others, such as feeling exhausted, unmotivated, and maybe even a little resentful, we are in a state of depletion and it is time to pause and examine our own needs.  When we are depleted, we have nothing left to give and we can’t be our best selves no matter how hard we try.  This is the moment when we need to put on our own oxygen mask.

How many times have you been on an airplane and listened (or half listened) to the safety briefing before take-off?  The flight attendants demonstrate how to wear oxygen masks in the event the cabin loses pressure and clearly state that if you are traveling with kids or others that need help you must put your own mask on first before you help others with their mask.  Why is this so important? Simply put, if we try to put others’ masks on before our own, we will likely pass out due to oxygen deprivation.  Not only will we harm ourselves, we will also be of no use to others leaving them in harm’s way as well.  The same is true in other contexts.  If we operate from a place of deprivation, we aren’t our best selves and we can’t be our best selves for others.

How can we make sure self-care doesn’t fall to the bottom of the to-do list or never make it on the list at all?  We must first give ourselves permission to prioritize it. Giving to others does not have to come at the cost of taking care of ourselves.  Meeting our own needs is just as important as meeting the needs of others.  Here are some simple steps to consider:

1.     Identify what your needs are.  What does self-care mean for you?  It may help to make a list of what makes you feel replenished or nourished.  These can vary and range in time and resources (e.g., taking a bath, exercise, 5 minutes of quiet time, meditation, reading, time with friends, vacation, etc.).  Include anything you can think of on your list that may help you feel replenished!

2.     Choose at least 1 option from your list to incorporate into your daily life. Prioritize it rather than making it optional.  After some time ask yourself what is it like for you?  Does it feel easy and enjoyable or does it feel challenging to set aside time for yourself?

3.     Notice if your to-do list consistently feels too long.  Are there things that can be removed or delegated?  One of the most effective tools for self-care is to ask for help when we need it!

Hiking is one of my favorite ways to engage in self-care.

What is your favorite way to care for yourself?  If you would like to pass it along, you can share it with others by writing it in the comments.

Thank you for joining me and taking time for yourself (yes, this counts as self-care!).  Always remember you are the expert on you and your experiences! 

With gratitude,

Dr. Kimberly Mallett