Mindfulness Series: Finding Balance Between Doing Mind and Being Mind
Last post I introduced the concept of mindfulness. Over the past two weeks, did you happen to notice moments when you went on autopilot? What did you notice about how you respond to distressing emotions when they arise? If you noticed being on autopilot a lot and trying to deal with distress by problem solving or thinking your way out of it, you were using what is referred to as “doing mind”. Our brain has two distinct methods of engaging with the world around us—doing mind and being mind. Both are useful and important, however it can be very easy for doing mind to become more dominant. In this post I talk about doing and being mind, their functions, and how we can be intentional about using them.
Differences between doing and being mind
Doing mind lives for efficiency and automation. It’s what allows us to drive, walk, ride a bike, eat, and all of the other activities we engage in in a daily basis without having to think about them. When you first learned to ride a bike or drive a car, think about how much you had to focus on each tiny movement. Over time, your brain developed muscle memory and automated the process so you could spend your mental energy on something else while still biking or driving. Doing mind is excellent at problem solving, accomplishing tasks, and figuring out ways to get from where we are to where we want to be. It has the ability to jump from the past to the future in order to figure out strategies to get us from point A to point B. Doing mode is great at helping us drive home or to the airport, but it is NOT useful for dealing with emotional distress. Trying to problem solve or think our way out of sadness or distress actually makes it worse. Doing mind can be rather harsh and matter of fact. This isn’t a useful practice for navigating emotional pain. This is when we need to engage “being mind”.
Being mind is much more intentional and present focused. It’s the part of us that experiences things fully and uses our senses to enjoy and experience the world around us. Instead of things needing to be different, being mind accepts them as they are and allows them to change on their own. Being mind doesn’t react, but rather responds with thoughtful intention. It allows us to treat ourselves and others with compassion rather than being critical and harsh. Being mind is able to interpret our thoughts as mental events rather than fact or reality. Remember…just because we think a thought doesn’t mean it is true. Our emotional state fuels our thoughts (when we feel sadness, thoughts associated with sadness arise) which can be challenging when we are feeling upset. This can create a cycle because sad thoughts strengthen our emotions. Being mind allows us to take a step back. It doesn’t try to fix the distressing emotions by avoiding them or pushing them away, it approaches the situation by observing it with curiosity. Being mind doesn’t have an expectation of how things “should” be.
Dealing with distress in doing mind and being mind
Doing mind. Imagine feeling a sense of unhappiness. This negative emotional state can bring up painful memories from the past and critical thoughts about ourselves which makes us feel more unhappy. Feeling this way and having upsetting thoughts creates the reaction that we must do something to rid ourselves of the current experience. In our desperation for things to be different, it actually makes the sense of unhappiness worse and it stays with us longer. Trying to think our way out of distress backfires and creates of cycle of rumination. Our brain finds more material to feed the distress.
Being mind. Alternatively, if we switch into being mind we deal with the sense of unhappiness differently. We acknowledge feeling unhappy and explore it with curiosity. We invite it to sit with us like a friend who wants to chat with us over coffee. Where does this feeling seem to be coming from? How is it influencing my thoughts? We don’t need to change or fix the unhappiness…emotions come and go on their own. If we notice our emotions and allow them to pass, they will do so on their own. We can simply observe and explore where the emotion came from, and what we are experiencing in a moment. We can gently remind ourselves that we can experience and notice thoughts without having to believe them or act on them. Being mind allows us to be more compassionate with ourselves. We can comfort ourselves instead of treat ourselves harshly which allows distress and unpleasant emotions to pass.
Both doing mind and being mind serve important purposes in our lives. The key is to become aware of when each one is engaged and if it is serving us well. This means we must become mindful and aware of what our brain is doing. Chances are doing mind is doing most of the heavy lifting. Our brains love to try and solve problems. We have a tendency to default to using doing mind, even when it gets us stuck. The good news is there are ways we can strengthen being mind to create more balance.
Exercise: Switching between doing mind and being mind
In order to experience the difference between doing mind and being mind, we can do a simple exercise. I am going to use an example of snow, however that might not work for you. I’ll offer some other suggestions after the exercise.
Doing mind. First, I am going to think about snow. When I do, I think about spending time skiing or snowshoeing. I think about challenges it brings when I have to drive on snowy roads or times when it is responsible for delaying travel. I think about winter and how I don’t like to walk my dog in snowy conditions or having to put on all of my winter layers to go outside. I think about all of the things I like and dislike about snow.
Being mind. Next I am going to use my senses and directly experience snow. I am going to take an observational approach and experience snow. First I notice how light and soft it is. It sparkles when the sun hits it and looks as if it has millions of tiny crystals in it. It is cold to touch yet melts when the warmth of my hand makes contact with it. It creates a quiet peacefulness, as if it covers the land in a white blanket waiting for spring. I notice how the snow brings a stillness which is calming yet invigorating.
These are very different ways of experiencing snow. Thinking about vs directly experiencing something. Thinking about something involves jumping between the past and future and being evaluative in some way. Directly experiencing takes a more present focused observational approach and often uses our senses. This is something you can try with just about anything such as wind, water (ocean, river, rain), a favorite piece of clothing, a favorite food, or anything else you choose. What is important to note is we can’t control the snow. We simply decide how we respond to the snow. The same is true with our emotions. Emotions arise in us without our permission or consent. We can control how we respond to them. This is where being mind is so useful.
Since most of us are very good (sometimes too good) at engaging doing mind, we are going to take some time to enhance being mind. Imagine what here and now would be like if there was no problem to solve. Getting into being mind allows us to be more present in our daily lives, increase awareness, and reduce the amount of time we spend in autopilot mode.
Practice Exercise
Over the next two weeks, I invite you to practice switching between doing and being mind. Notice the difference when you think about something compared to directly experience it.
Focus on practicing thinking about and experiencing objects or tangible things like the things I mentioned above (snow, water, a piece of clothing, your feet, driving your car, your pet, etc.).
When you feel like you notice the difference between doing and being mind, experiment with emotions. First start with pleasant emotions (calm, joy, contentment, etc.). Focus on directly experiencing them. Notice what it is like to observe the thoughts that arise, the feeling in your body, and how the emotion shifts on its own. No need to judge the emotion, simply be observational. When this feels comfortable, consider doing this exercise with more challenging emotions (e.g., anxiety, sadness, anger, etc.). Can you observe and notice where the emotion came from? What thoughts come up? Notice how the emotion intensifies and weakens on its own. Notice if doing mind tries to take over. Can you gently shift back to being mind and be nonjudgmental with yourself?
Sometimes our initial reaction to difficult emotions is to avoid them or push them away, however that can actually keep us stuck in experiencing them. Allowing ourselves to experience difficult emotions does not mean we act on them, but rather it allows us to process them and let them resolve. Simply observe what you feel, gently remind yourself it is not permanent, and you don’t need to force it away.
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