Toolbox Tips: The 5-Minute Self Check-In

Creating a pause when we need it most

You know those challenging moments that sometimes come up in life? The ones that make your blood pressure rise, your anxiety level sky rocket, or make you feel completely overwhelmed. Maybe they happen has a result of receiving terrible news, engaging in a conflict with someone, or an unexpected emotion that hits you out of nowhere. Needless to say, these moments are unpleasant and can be hard to navigate. In this edition of Toolbox Tips, I describe a strategy to help you pause, feel a little more grounded, and bring yourself back to the present before you jump into action.

When we are faced with a challenging situation our emotions are the first to engage. It is simply a matter of how our brain is structured. Our emotional centers are the first to receive and process information and in many ways this is protective. If we are in danger we need to react quickly and instinctively. Think flight or fight. If we are in danger of being attacked by a predator, we need to either flee or fight back. The trouble is we don’t often find ourselves in these types of situations, yet our limbic system (emotional centers of the brain) often treats less threatening distress or perceived threats in the same way. The tricky part is we don’t even have to be in a challenging situation for these emotional reactions to kick in. These reactions can be triggered by thoughts or memories that make our brain engage in mental time travel. Going into the past and ruminating about a difficult situation, or jumping into the future and going down a rabbit hole of “what-if scenarios” can fuel this distress.

So what do we do in these moments?

Pause. We need our brain to get out of mental time travel mode and back into the present moment. We also need to give our cognitive/rational areas of the brain (located in the frontal cortex) time to process and equally weigh in with the emotional centers of the brain to create a balanced response. We want to approach problem solving and engage in action from a place of calm rather than distress.

This may sound easy, but in the moment it can be hard to do. Here is a strategy that can help you initiate a pause to allow your rational brain to engage. First, notice when you feel stress or distress increase and allow it to serve as a cue for a self assessment. The goal of the self check-in is to be observational. This is a time to assess what is happening in the moment without acting on it. Before we jump into action we want to be able to be thoughtful and intentional. When we act in moments of heightened distress or emotions we are often being reactive which likely won’t result in a desired outcome. Instead, we can take a brief time out and check-in on three important areas.

The 5-Minute Check-In:

1. Scan your body. Start with the top of your head and notice what you are feeling physically. Connect with sensations that are happening in the present moment. Maybe you feel tension in some of your muscles. Perhaps your heart rate is beating faster than usual. Simply observe as you mentally work your way from your head to your toes.

2. Scan your emotions. What are you feeling? Try to name at least 2 or 3 emotions during this exercise. It can be very easy to access anger, but usually there are other emotions under the surface that get ignored. Notice the intensity of the emotions. What happens to their intensity as time passes? Emotions are always in motion and changing. Notice if new emotions arise or others quiet during this exercise.

3. Scan your thoughts. Tune into your internal dialogue. What thoughts are coming up? Notice the connection between your emotions and thoughts. Our thoughts are heavily influenced by emotions. When we feel upset, our thoughts tend to be harsh and negative. When we feel happy our thoughts are more pleasant. Simply notice the thoughts remembering they are not facts, they are just thoughts. Just because we think something doesn’t mean it is true and we don’t have to act on it.

When do I use the Check-In?

While the Check-In exercise is a helpful tool, it may not always be available to you. Some situations may not allow for this pause, such as during immediate threats of danger or while engaged in direct conflict. However once you are in a safe space, it may be useful to use this tool to reduce distress. Examples of situations when the Check-In may be helpful include moments when:

-feeling anxiety in anticipation of an upcoming event

-difficult feelings arise around past events

-you feel overwhelmed or during moments of high stress

-you feel stuck

Once you complete the Check-In, you may feel slightly calmer and ready to engage in action if needed. Alternatively you may recognize you need some additional strategies to reduce distress. One tool that can be useful is the “BAY (Breathe-Accept-You language)” strategy, which I wrote about here.

I recommend practicing the 5-Minute Check-In during a moment of calm or in the absence of emotional difficulty. Strengthening skills routinely make them easier to implement when they are most needed. The Check-In also is a helpful way to reset and be more present during your day. It can be used as a mini meditation to increase mindfulness and it can allow us to feel more focused and intentional.

If you enjoy Mental Tune-Ups, please let others in your community know. Mental Tune-Ups is public so please share if you think someone else may benefit from reading it. All are welcome! If you haven’t subscribed yet, it’s easy and free! Posts will go straight to your Substack app or email inbox. Have a question or a topic you want to know more about? Feel free to message me directly.