Simple Strategies is a new series of posts designed to focus on one specific tip. Many of these strategies are not a “one size fits all” solution. They work differently for each individual and situation. In order for them to be useful, they do require practice and consistency. I recommend using them regularly so they are more available and accessible to you when you need them most. I hope you find them useful!
Strategy: Using I feel instead of I am when describing emotions
This post focuses on the language we use when we describe our emotions, particularly in times of distress. Sometimes our emotions feel BIG and can overwhelm us. During these moments the way we describe our emotions commonly begins with the phrase “I am”. For example:
I am upset
I am anxious
I am stressed
“I am” can create a feeling of our emotions being all encompassing. “I am” describes who we are rather than how we are feeling in the moment. Instead of “I am”, try using the phase “I feel”.
I feel upset
I feel anxious
I feel stressed
I feel describes a current moment rather than defines who we are as people. Emotions are temporary. They rise and fall and are constantly in motion. Who we are is more stable and doesn’t change so quickly. When we say I am, it creates the perception that our emotions are permanent and this can create more distress. It can also increase the likelihood of feeling shame and other harmful emotions.
Goal
The goal of this strategy is to create space between you and your emotions and allow you to experience your emotions/feelings from a more observational perspective. Creating a little space can help us to pause during moments of distress and allow our emotions to decrease in intensity instead of escalate. Experiment with your language and see if you notice a difference!
Want to learn more?
Want more in depth info about the relationship between language and managing emotions? Read my post on YOU language and Shame.
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